Monthly Archives: September 2012

& I don’t want the world to see me, ’cause I don’t think that they’ll understand

I was working with a group of freshmen girls when one of them abruptly asked, “Ms. K, were a mean girl?” Before I could answer three more girls –who in complete irony are mean girls themselves– turned to look at me as if they were waiting for a “yes.” But, I didn’t know what to say so I told them to turn around. — This is what teachers say when they don’t know the answer.

12 minutes later the assignment we had been working on was complete. I braced myself to give an answer I’ve been searching for for years. I told them, “mean girls are people who, for various reasons, aim to intentionally harm others. This was never my prerogative.  But, somewhere in my carefully crafted comebacks and eager wit I often find my words offending and even hurting others.” Satisfied with what had poured out I prepared to wrap up the lesson when the youngest of the bunch asked, “well, are you sorry?–I mean were you sorry you hurt people even when you really meant what you said?”

This is the constant battle of being female. If you are  intelligent, you are ‘aggressive’, ‘rude’, ‘condescending’ or perhaps even a ‘b*tch.’ If you are naive then grow accustomed to a  life sentence  in the bubblegum category of ‘ditz’ and ‘floozy.’ There’s no room to just be. Sometimes, I’m sorry I hurt people. But, other times it’s both warranted and necessary for progress.I didn’t have an answer. So I told them to turn around.

Word.

Dream a little dream of me

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You read right.

After racking enough hours to write a dissertation on frames, mattresses, and back pain my prayers have been answered. I got the text (above) from a co-worker who let me know that there was a full mattress set (mattress, frame and boxspring), with free delivery, up for grabs. The catch was I had less than 36 hours to decide whether or not I wanted it and I had to pay completely upfront, in cash, at time of delivery. Normally, this would be no problem except I wasn’t budgeting for a bed this month. So, there I sat in the middle of my floor (where all my best thinking is done) trying to decide whether or not to get a great deal (at least 75$ cheaper than any other deal I found) but, suffer the fate of being broke until October’s pay check.

[SPOILER ALERT] I bought the bed.

The good news is, I got a bed and it was everything the seller described. The box spring was still in the plastic and the mattress looked almost brand new. The bad news is the mattress is just cheap. It’s pretty thin and offers little support. The frames’ dimensions are off … so it’s  useless. The boxspring- which you can buy anywhere for pretty cheap-is the best part. In summary, the bed, as cheap as it was, isn’t worth much at all.

The upsetting thing is that I knew better than to buy a large ticket item without previewing it first. It’s my fault it’s not what I wanted. On the plus side though I’m glad I did buy the bed. Why? I needed one.  And, needs > wants.

I’m going to buy a new frame and make this bed exactly as I imagined it.

Bathroom Stall Confessionals #1

They say God created us with two ears and one mouth so we listen twice as much as we talk. Regardless of whether or not that statement is valid, I make an honest point to try and learn something new everyday. This usually entails listening to a combination of ESPN & NPR on the way to work as well as enjoying a steady feed of Aljeezera via my blackberry between class periods. Those are my BIG sources for news. But, my favorite source of news comes from a place too often overlooked…..the bathroom.

The truth is hundreds of students pass in, out, and by the bathrooms every day. They leave quotes, lyrics, pictures and sometimes even valuables (I found 5$ once) in the restrooms. They do this for all sorts of reasons, both good and bad. Some leave a deliberate and boisterous message e.g. (F*ck the police, they taking our minds). Others leave a less direct message like drawing a smiley face on a mirror, or even none at all. But, today I overheard something I couldn’t turn a blind ear to.

In a confidently reserved voice the girl with auburn hair faced her 16 year old friend and said, “Don’t plan a future with someone who doesn’t have a future planned out for themselves.” Then, girl popped her gum and turned to leave the bathroom.

With less characters than a tweet this girl captured my attention. & so the idea was born: what if all those messages–both the good and bad, intentional and accidental, were captured?

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Wasn’t It Easier In Your Lunchbox Days?

Things I once thought were both simple and irrelevant have now become the focus of my day to day hustle. Take for example sleeping. Sleeping is a habit which most of us since birth have excelled at. Some of us have taken this necessity to a higher level, an art form even. Others of us struggle. Sadly, I am now one of those people which belong in the latter category. Sleeping wouldn’t be so tough if it weren’t for the fact that A- I don’t want to oversleep and get fired, on account of I have to wake up at 4:20am to catch two buses to my downtown office and B- I have no bed.

Never in my life (not camp, not my dorm, not on vacation or even at home) have I questioned where my bed came from, how much it cost, and/or how effective it is. Today alone however I’ve spent the past 2 hours and 22 minutes searching for a comfortable cost-effective place to dream. I ask not for something pricey and bold but instead for a plush yet modest place in which I can get lost in the stuff  Taylor sings of.

A comfort zone… is that too much to ask for?

Now I’m paralyzed, still stuck in that time, when we called it love

My heart hangs as heavily as the smoke that fateful day.

May today serve as a reminder that there is more to life than just what we can see.

& may we all live in peace.  #9/11

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